11 Ways to Create a Safe Home as a Survivor of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence, also referred to as intimate partner violence, is a pervasive issue that touches countless lives.

We’ll delve into how to navigate the barriers that often hinder escape, and how to build a safe and secure life in the aftermath, armed with the right resources and support. Because leaving is not just about ending the abuse—it’s about starting anew, on one’s own terms.

Preparing for a Safe Transition to a New Home

Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging. “Escaping from an abusive relationship is one of the most dangerous times for a survivor and a time when over 70% of domestic violence incidents occur,” says Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, a nonprofit focused on covert abuse and coercive control.

But, with careful planning and support, it’s possible to create a safer environment for yourself. Below we’ll discuss some steps to consider when preparing to leave.

Set Aside Money

Begin saving money in a separate, secure account if possible. This can help cover living expenses, transportation, and other necessities when you leave.

Prepare An Emergency Bag and What to Pack

Keep a bag with essentials like clothing, toiletries, medication, and any special items for children. Store it in a hidden but accessible location.

Come Up With a Code Word

Establish a code word with trusted friends or family members to signal when you need immediate help or assistance in leaving.

Secure Important Documents and Housing Papers

Gather important documents such as identification, birth certificates, and housing-related papers. Store them in a safe place or with a trusted person.

If Possible, Get a New Phone

If possible, get a new phone and change your phone number to prevent your abuser from tracking your location or contacting you through calls and messages. This extra layer of security will help you maintain your privacy and safety, allowing you to start rebuilding your life without the constant fear of being found or harassed.

Research in Advance and Have Law Enforcement Help

Contact domestic violence agencies or shelters to assist with planning your escape. They can help secure temporary housing and guide you through legal processes such as restraining orders.

 “Leaving an abuser is very hard for a victim. Although the abuse might be unbearable, it is still familiar territory and therefore more predictable in the victim’s mind,” says Seema Kak, Executive Director of Kiran Inc, a nonprofit focused on serving and empowering South Asian victims of domestic violence. “Various agencies can help connect victims to the right resources,” Kak adds. 

Plan Your Escape

Create a well-thought-out escape plan by familiarizing yourself with your abuser’s routine, identifying the best times to leave, and knowing which exit routes are safest. Additionally, have your car’s gas tank filled, your belongings pre-packed, and important documents handy so you can leave swiftly and discreetly when the opportunity arises.

Disable Location Services on All Devices

To protect your privacy and prevent your abuser from tracing your whereabouts, disable location services on all your electronic devices. This includes your smartphone, car navigation system, and any apps or gadgets that may use location tracking. Consider resetting your devices to factory settings or obtaining new devices to minimize the risk of being found.

11 Ways to Create a Safe and Secure Home As A Survivor of Domestic Violence

Survivors of domestic violence are at different stages of their journeys toward healing and safety. Whether you’re living in a shelter or independently, it’s crucial to implement safety measures and create a supportive environment. 

Here are some tips to help you feel more secure:

1. Install Security Features

Invest in security features like a Ring Doorbell, light sensors, cameras, sturdy locks, alarms, and secure windows. 

Our experts also suggested the following: 

“As part of safety planning in a new home, it is helpful to install security locks with a security key that is very difficult to duplicate. It’s also helpful to install a deadbolt that opens from within the home,” says Ruth Darlene Patrick, founder and Executive Director of WomenSV. 

“Add appropriate landscaping like adding a fence, and limiting bushes around the immediate vicinity of the home,” advises Seema Kak, Executive Director of Kiran Inc.

“Install floodlights around the home that are on a timer or that have motion activation and install a loud exterior alarm that can be activated from several places within the residence,” recommends Sheryl Cromedy, Director of Housing at InterAct, a nonprofit dedicated to ending the cycle of domestic and sexual violence in Wake County, NC.

By implementing these measures, you’ll gain an additional layer of security that can bring you a sense of comfort and contribute to your overall safety.

2. Remove Triggers

Identify and remove any items or objects in your home that may trigger negative memories or emotions. Creating a comfortable space can facilitate your healing process.

3. Financial Protective Measures

Close your old bank accounts and credit cards to prevent financial manipulation from your abuser. Open new accounts, ensuring your abuser has no access to your finances.

4. Change Passwords

Update all passwords for online accounts, including email, social media, and banking, to prevent your abuser from accessing your personal information. “Update entry codes and passwords if devices were shared before,” advises Kak.

5. Build a Support System

“Lack of emotional support as a result of the abusive partner isolating the survivor from their support system makes it difficult to leave,” says Cromedy.   

Connect with friends, family, or support groups to create a network of people who understand and support your journey. By building a support system, this can help you feel less isolated and provide emotional support when needed.

6. Get a Domestic Violence Protective Order

Obtain a protective order to legally prevent your abuser from contacting or approaching you. This can offer an added layer of security and peace of mind.

Cromedy recommends applying for the Address Confidentiality Program, which helps victims keep abusers from discovering their new address. 

7. Develop a Hobby

Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you rebuild your sense of self. Hobbies can offer an outlet for stress and provide opportunities to meet new people and create positive experiences.

8. Incorporate Comforting Mementos into Your Space

Surround yourself with items that make you feel safe and comfortable. These can be anything from family photos to a favorite blanket or artwork that brings you happiness.

9. Embrace the Company of a Pet

Pets provide emotional comfort and companionship, helping alleviate feelings of loneliness and anxiety. If you already have a pet, consider taking regular walks. If you’re open to it, adopting a pet can add a layer of security and provide unconditional love.

10. Start Journaling

Journaling can serve as an emotional outlet, allowing you to articulate and process feelings in a private, safe space. Regularly writing down your thoughts and experiences can provide a sense of emotional release and self-awareness, aiding in your healing process.

11. Create Your Own Space with a DIY Project

Engaging in DIY projects around your home not only keeps you occupied but also gives you a sense of control over your space. Whether it’s repainting a room, building a bookshelf, or planting a mini garden, these projects help you create a space that’s truly yours, reflecting your personality and tastes.

By taking these steps, you can create a safe and nurturing environment that supports your healing and empowers you to move forward in your journey.

Domestic violence is a serious issue affecting countless individuals. If you’re a victim, always remember that support and resources are available to help you regain control of your life and find safety. Stay strong, and never hesitate to reach out for help when needed.

Conclusion

Leaving an abusive situation is undoubtedly one of the bravest steps a survivor can take. While there are various challenges, the right tools and resources can significantly ease the transition, creating a sense of security and stability. Remember, no one should navigate this path alone – there is an abundant network of support available. 

Our Experts

Ruth Darlene Patrick: Ruth is the Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, a nonprofit focused on covert abuse and coercive control. Their mission is to empower survivors, train providers and educate the community to break the cycle of covert abuse and coercive control in intimate partner relationships.

Seema Raina Kak: Seema joined the Kiran team in 2017 as a Client Services Manager. Seema earned her BA in Immunology and a BS in Psychology from the University of Maryland and went on to receive her Masters in Social Work with an emphasis on Child Welfare from the University of San Jose, CA. Throughout her career, she has provided comprehensive case management and advocacy services for women in areas of drug and alcohol abuse, homelessness, family counseling, employment, and child reunification. She took on the role of Executive Director at Kiran in 2020.

Sheryl Cromedy: Sheryl is the Director of Housing at InterAct, a nonprofit dedicated to ending the cycle of domestic and sexual violence in Wake County, North Carolina. InterAct saves lives, rebuilds lives, and secures safer futures for victims and survivors and their families.